Part 2: Strong family relationships build self esteem

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gardening with dadBy Eric Putnam –

Strong family relationships empower parenting by building your child’s self-esteem, motivating your child to listen and learn from you, and helping you to allow your child to make mistakes and learn from them.

The best way to encourage parent/child bonding is by spending time together.

What is One-On-One Time?

–  Scheduled personal time with your child

–  Ritualized parent/child interaction

–  Bonding time

–  Relationship building

–  Self-esteem building

One-On-One Time is all about SHOWING unconditional love and acceptance.

Why should you do it?

Studies show that it decreases your child’s risk for future problems such as:

–       Behavior problems

–       Academic problems

–       Drug and alcohol abuse

–       High-risk sexual behavior

Why?

Children are more willing to listen and seek guidance from parents that they feel care about them.

How do you do it?

–       Commit

–       Be in the moment

–       Listen

–       Summarize

Commitment

Commitment should be the driving force behind One-On-One Time. Children quickly learn to look forward to their private time with you. Don’t commit to something you can’t do.  Commit to a specific day and time.  Post it on a calendar and remind your child that it is coming.  Commit to it weekly if you can or at least every other week.

One-On-One Time does not have to be that long in duration.  If commitment is difficult, try 15 minutes a week.

Be in the Moment

Be a follower.  Being a follower is not easy.  I may feel a little awkward at first but it gets easier with practice.  Avoid teaching, correcting, and even asking too many questions.

Let your child take the lead and give lots of positive attention (use Catch ‘Em Being Good & Know Your Talents handouts).

Remember, this moment is all about them.

Listen

Listen to what they are saying and feeling.

Respond by repeating back to them what they are saying and feeling.  Check in with them if you are not sure by asking, “Are you saying…?” or “Did I get it right?”

With toddlers, just be their shadow and enjoy each new experience they discover.

Summarize

Always end with a positive summary of your One-On-One Time experience.  Try saying something like, “I really and fun with you today” and “Let’s do this again!”  Next month we will discover tools to strengthen the whole family including mom and dad.

eputnam

Eric Putnam, MA, LAC, received his M.A. in Applied Sociology from Northern Arizona University in 1994 and a M.A. in Professional Counseling from Ottawa University in 2004. He was the Clinical Director of CPS Crisis Stabilization Services at TERROS, INC for almost five years working with highly abused and neglected children exhibiting severely destructive behaviors. In over a decade working with children, families and teachers, he has worked with a wide range of behavior problems including some of the most severe behavioral reactions from children who have been severely abused and neglected. Through the years, Eric has recognized a gradual shift in mental health services from dysfunction oriented to one of prevention. While a focus on prevention is one moving in the right direction, Eric supports a growing movement of yet another needed shift in service focus and delivery known as positive psychology. Independence Behavioral Coaching was created to fill the needs of a growing number of families and teachers for positive support services provided directly in the home and/or at school directly where difficult behaviors are occurring. Behavioral coaching focuses on learning, performance efficiency and overall growth of the child and family. The behavioral coach gathers information about the child such as temperament, potential barriers within the environment and on specific targeted behaviors that are causing the child to struggle at home, in the school and/or in certain social situations. When not working, Eric enjoys spending time with his wife, Tara, daughters Ashlyn and Makenna, and son, Drew. Eric enjoys playing with his children and eating sushi with his wife and most of all sometimes just being silly. http://www.behavecoach.com

4 thoughts on “Part 2: Strong family relationships build self esteem

  • June 29, 2010 at 12:41 am
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  • July 6, 2010 at 4:16 pm
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    As a mother I can vouch for your post being very practical and incredible in relating to children proactively and not reactively. Your suggestions are like behavioral tools that could help parents in mentoring their children and not managing their lives. Thank you for sharing this insightful post. You may like to visit
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  • July 15, 2010 at 2:51 pm
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    As a mother of 3 adult children, I can really relate to this article. Time for each child is so important, and also time together as a family. When my children were growing up, we always had our evening meals together around our kitchen table. We found that we could all share what we did during the day, which really opened up our communications. Now that my children are adults (all over 22 years of age), my husband and I are still included in their conversations and activities. I am sure this started from spending time together when they were younger.

  • November 24, 2010 at 3:23 am
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    Thanks – I have read many descriptions that explain the different between confidence and self-esteem, and this is my absolute favorite!Self Esteem Affirmations

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