A Break-up with your lover? Here is how you can move on

Most of us have dreamt of finding our soul-mate in the most romantic way possible. And why not? We have often been inspired by the romantic movies that we binge on and which teach us that love is possible, all we need to do is to look for it in the right place at the right time. Unfortunately, that is where movies end and reality begins. Not every love story in the world ends up being the ‘Crazy, Stupid, Love’ kind—the fact is that it often spirals down to ‘The Break-Up’. Sometimes it’s your fault, sometimes it’s them, sometimes it’s neither—but you have to deal with the crushing pain of heartbreak. You think that the world’s got over, but not quite—look towards ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ for inspiration.

Is it all just about the heartbreak?

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Have you ever heard of someone dying of a broken heart? Though it sounds melodramatic, romantic breakups affect us both physiologically and psychologically—and it goes beyond watching romantic tragedies with a box of tissues.

Here’s what really happens to you when your break up –

1. Your hormones go haywire

Dopamine and oxytocin are the happy hormones of your body and are prominent in times of love and affection. When it’s a heartbreak, cortisol and epinephrine—the ‘stress hormones’—replace these ‘happy hormones’. As a result, you go into major mood and behavioral shifts.

2. Your immunity system suffers

Believe it or not, your heartbreak can actually stress you out more—affecting your immunity system. There is a connection between stress and the body’s production of white blood cells called leukocytes. Under stress, the body produces white blood cells, which are its way of fighting infections. However, when too many white blood cells are produced, your body becomes susceptible to flu and infections—or even serious conditions such as stroke.

3. Changing dietary habits and weight gain

We lose our appetite when we’re sad, and a heartbreak is no different. Initially, you won’t feel hungry because your body is too busy repairing itself from the emotional turmoil. In time, though, you will find that the body gravitates from lack of hunger to stuffing up on high-calorie food such as cakes, pastries, and junk food. At the moment, your body goes through a tremendous amount of stress and it needs the energy to build itself back up.

4. You doubt yourself

It’s natural to feel pangs of self-doubt and low self-esteem after a breakup. You are confused, sad or even angry— but know that it was all for the best.

5. You’re not just sad anymore…

You could be less focused at work, have problems with sleeping and just want to be alone. Or, you feel that you’re not good enough for anyone and start feeling lonely and depressed. Moreover, you find it harder to deal with day-to-day problems, if any. Let’s face it—you’re a little vulnerable right now.

So, how do you nurse your broken heart and move on in life?

It’s difficult to stay positive after a crushing breakup. Yet, it is important to take your time and move on. You broke up with each other for a reason, and there’s no reason to walk back into it again. Instead, you can use this time to focus on yourself and your loved ones.

1. Know that it was all for the best

Agreed, you were head over heels in love with your partner once upon a time. But what is that one annoying habit that still gets on your nerves? Rather than romanticizing on your relationship, figure out what went wrong between the two of you. There might be ten reasons to go back to them, but there is one to stay away—you have broken up for a reason.

2. Accept your feelings

Give yourself time, and don’t be too hard on yourself. It is okay to love someone who is not a part of your life anymore. Suppressing your emotions will only cause you greater pain, so it is better to let the tears flow and lighten the emotional burden. Don’t let the pain overpower you and learn to handle it in a positive manner to ensure quick healing.

3. Don’t stalk your ex!

Take some time off the relationship, and process your feelings. Delete their number, remove them from social media and avoid contact with them. You need time and distance to recover from the relationship, talking to them again might just make your heart slip.

4. Start journaling

You may have a strong support system, but they may not always provide the comfort you need. Often, keeping a journal is a therapeutic way to deal with your emotions, and bring some positivity into your life.

Choose any of the following –

  • A gratitude journal
  • An affirmation journal
  • A daily-goals journal
  • A stress-releasing journal
  • A Self-reflection journal

5. Refocus on your own life

Now that you’re healing, you need to indulge in some self-care with your family and friends. Involve yourself in productive activities, go out with your friends, eat well, learn a new exercise or hobby—tick them all off your bucket list. Most importantly, don’t jump into a new relationship to subdue the heartbreak of the old one—you’ll know when it’s the right time.

Should you stay in touch with your ex?

Though most relationship experts suggest not to keep contact with your ex-partner, there are some situations that you may have to work around:

When should you be friends with your ex?

  • When exes have children together, and you need to maintain civil relations for their physical and emotional development
  • If it was a mutual termination of the relationship and it happened on good terms. In this case, you don’t have bitter feelings for each other
  • If you’re comfortable hanging out with your ex-partner
  • If your present partner knows about your friendship with your ex and is okay with it.

Limit your conversations and interactions to once in a couple of months. Moreover, it would be a good idea to keep each other out of your social media friend lists.

When should you cut-off ties with them completely?

  • If it was an abusive or emotionally manipulative relationship—after all, once bitten twice shy
  • If you want to experience new love. You can’t take your present relationship to the next level if you still have feelings for your ex
  • If you may experience jealousy and hurt when your ex gets into a new relationship
  • If you don’t have a decided position in his life—either as their present partner or ex.
  • If they make you feel worse in their company, hampering your present relationships
  • If they have cheated on you physically and/or emotionally
  • If you really have nothing to say to each other
  • If you don’t want the same old drama in your life

Even if you feel it’s completely impossible at the moment, breaking off with your ex is much healthier for you in the long run.

In the end, it’s your mind against the heart. Take your time to heal, but once you’re done—stick to your decision and look forward to treating yourself to your new-found freedom!

About the Author

 I am Emily Connor, a 26-year-old psychology student, and a content contributor at  Dissertation Help. My interests range from productivity, inspiration to reading anything motivational over the internet. I love dogs over cats and music over talking.


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