Breaking the Self-Sabotage Cycle
Have you ever felt stuck in the self-sabotage cycle? Today we will be talking about how to break that vicious cycle so you can build a new mindset and pursue your dreams at full force! Let’s jump right in!
What is Self-Sabotage?
Self-Sabotage happens when you get in your own way. This could include any behaviors that don’t align with your values/goals. From my experience, I find the most common form of self-sabotage I see is people giving up on big goals prematurely.
Are you curious as to why people self-sabotage? Have you ever sabotaged yourself? I’ll be explaining how to break that cycle and how to take responsibility in your life to make your dreams come true!
To start, when I say responsibility, I’m not talking about responsibilities like paying the bills, doing chores, or other things we typically refer to as a “responsibility.”
I’m talking about everything in life. Take responsibility for it all!
The fact is, you are fully in charge of your life, that’s why you have to take full responsibility! You are the one that got yourself to where you are right now, whether that be good or bad. You are responsible for it all!
The first thing to do when it comes to breaking the self-sabotage cycle is to stop assigning blame. It doesn’t matter what happens, never pull the blame card. It just leads to a slippery slope of excuses.
You might be thinking, ” I’m not to blame for someone backing into my car while in the Target parking lot!” I get that. Some things seem like they’re totally out of your control. But remember everything happens for a reason, so it’s up to you to find that reason now that the deed is done. Was it time to get a new car anyway? Did you park illegally?
Maybe you were meant to cross paths with the driver that hit you? You may not be directly responsible for the dent in your fender, but it’s there for a reason now! Don’t waste your energy on assigning blame, focus on finding the message instead! There is always a positive side to every situation!
“So if I don’t blame other people, I should blame myself for everything?”
The second thing to remember in breaking the self-sabotage cycle is not blaming yourself. When I said to stop assigning blame, that applies to everyone, even yourself. Blaming yourself and taking responsibility for yourself are two extremely different things.
Blame vs. Responsibility
Blame– letting something/someone else have power over your situation.
Assigning blame puts you into the role of a victim. When that power is used incorrectly, you have an excuse to let yourself off the hook/complain.
Responsibility– knowing you have power over your life.
This entails taking the situation as is, finding the message, and moving on. Responsibility means never playing the victim.
It’s just a pattern of the mindset! It’s your choice, do you want to blame, or take responsibility?
The Road Maps of Blame and Responsibility
The mindsets of blame and responsibility share the same starting point but end drastically different.
They both start with an acknowledgment of the facts. For example, “I lost a lot of clients this month, I must be doing something wrong.”
Then they split their separate ways.
Blame looks like, “I suck at my job, maybe I’m losing the talent I once had.” While responsibility looks like “What lesson can I learn from this? What can I do better next month?”
Blame = sulking, feeling bad for yourself and having a pity-party.
Responsibility = being at peace with the facts, finding the lesson, and moving on to do better!
You have the power to choose your mindset! Will you choose blame or responsibility?
Mindset & Perception
This is a win or learn world! It’s only win or lose if you choose to perceive it that way! Either take the win and celebrate or take the lesson and move on!
Your world will become win or lose when you let blame in. Blame leads to excuses, excuses lead to a way out of accountability. Blame is just an easy way to quit.
You can’t win if you quit, but you also can’t learn. That makes it a loss.
Stop Blaming to Stay Comfortable
Look, everyone hates blaming themselves, so don’t do it! The hard part is not blaming other people or situations!
When we assign blame, we are essentially building a mental dam. No one wants a mental dam, so why do we build them?
Our goals and dreams are often outside of our comfort zones. So when we build a mental dam, it blocks us from going outside of what’s familiar to us. Then this “dam” ends up influencing us to play it safe instead of trying something new.
When the dam is built, we give ourselves “reasons” as to why we shouldn’t go past the barrier. Those “reasons” we give ourselves are just excuses.
Once it gets to this point, there’s a major pity-party going on behind that dam. So unless you like sulking and giving yourself reasons to be miserable, I would suggest avoiding the whole ordeal by not assigning blame in the first place. However, if you do have a pity-party going on right now, no worries, it’s easily reversible.
But remember- no blame = no excuses.
Blame and excuses are best friends. Don’t invite either one of them. You’ll never get out of the pity party if they’re both there! And if you never get out of your pity-party, you’ll never get out of your comfort zone and closer to your goals!
5 Step Guide to Kick Self-Sabotage Out
Once you’ve taken full responsibility for your life, your goals will inevitably happen. Nothing can knock you down because you won’t let it! That’s what the win or learn mindset is all about!
Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to get out of a self-sabotaging mindset.
1. Release the blame and excuses.
You can journal through them, say them out loud, or however else you want to do it.
Acknowledge that you are responsible for where you are right now. You are completely in charge!
3. Set goals.
Now reset and/or set your goals, this time without blame, excuses, or the need to rely on anyone else!
4. Make a gratitude list!
Take a moment to be grateful for where you’ve gotten yourself and the goals you’ve achieved. Gratitude should not be ignored.
5. Take a look at where you want to improve.
Don’t assign blame or come up with excuses! Take your situation as it is. Now look for the lessen, and formulate your next move to get closer to your goals!
Remember—you are so worthy of achieving your dreams! So take full responsibility. You won’t regret it. Start pursuing your goals at full force and prepare to amaze yourself.
About the Author
Sammi is the blogger behind selfcarechief.com. She writes about all things self-development- from self-care methods to motivational posts to self-help hacks. Her mission is to help people become the best version of themselves through self-improvement and to live to their fullest potential!