How to Inject Passion into a Long-Distance Relationship

It’s estimated that as many as 14 million people in the United States are in long-distance relationships and that as much as 2.9% of married couples have long-distance arrangements (not related to marital discord). I’ve been in long-distance relationships myself, and while they bring their share of joys—the anticipation of seeing each other, plenty of independence and autonomy—they also bring plenty of challenges. That anticipation can become misery if dragged out too long; it can be tough to maintain intimacy over large distances, and staying emotionally close can be tough as well. Here’s how to inject passion in your long-distance relationship.

  1. Let the distance work in your favor

Therapist and author Esther Perel points out in her book Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence that emotional intimacy thrives in proximity—the security afforded by being physically close, talking regularly, knowing your partner’s personality well—but that physical passion requires distance to bloom.

Do you ever notice that when you see your partner after a long period of being apart, you find yourself wanting to jump them immediately? That’s because that distance has allowed passion to build. Couples who live in the same town or cohabitate will recognize that same scenario. So while long-distance can certainly be a drag, the silver lining is that long-distance couples may find it easier to sustain that passion over a long period of time.

  1. Send each other exciting messages

Another way to inject passion into a long-distance relationship is to start an email account for exciting messages. Keep it separate from your regular text message thread, separate from a WhatsApp thread—you don’t want to accidentally send a personal message to a friend or colleague. Creating alternate “identities” may also help you feel more open when expressing certain desires and tastes.

Creating this space for you both to express fantasies and build up some steam between you will help sustain sexual passion over the long term. It’s also a place to get to know your partner in an emotionally intimate way.

  1. Make a point to see each other weekly—virtually

Though it’s important to stay in touch with your long-distance partner via texting and phone calls and even emails, it’s important to see each other regularly. Video chatting with your partner is a great way to build passion and intimacy in a long-distance relationship.

Spend this time catching up on the day-to-day of your lives, sharing experiences with each other, or expressing anxieties or problems. You might even make a “dinner date” and eat dinner together via video chat.

  1. When you do come together, steam it up

According to House Method, couples who have sex outside the bedroom report being 10.5% more satisfied with their relationships and 33% more satisfied with their sex lives than couples who keep romance to the bedroom alone, so when you do finally come together, don’t limit your lovemaking to the bedroom—mix it up and try other parts of the house. This spontaneity can also keep things fresh and fun.

You can build up that desire prior to coming together by using that email account to send a message about what you hope to do with them, what it will feel like, what you like about your partner’s body. After all, that anticipation is best when there is a resolution to that healthy tension.

About the Author

Kay Pascale is a writer from Durham, NC. When she isn’t writing about how to improve health or the latest wellness trends, she enjoys playing with her pup, spending time with friends and family, and practicing photography.

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