What Does “Loving Yourself” Mean?

We often hear the phrase “You can’t love anyone else until you love yourself” but what does loving yourself really mean? Only when you know and love yourself are you ready for real loving.

1. Loving yourself means taking care of your SELF.

  • A client once asked me. “I know this probably seems obvious, but what does “loving yourself” mean in real life?” I loved the question because it is not as obvious as it sounds.
  • Loving your “Self” means that you know how to take care of your Self. It means that you take responsibility for your well-being and happiness and figure out what you need to feel good.
  • Taking care of your Self applies to both your physical and emotional self – You become your own caring, loving parent.

2. No one can fill that emptiness inside you – except for you. Do not look to someone else to fill that “hole”.

  • If you are born a human, you will have a human struggle, and that struggle is about filling that emptiness inside. Every one of us deals with that emptiness and we are all faced with making peace with the process.
  • When you expect someone else to make you happy, you are projecting your feelings of incompleteness on another and this will never work. Only you and you alone, can heal your Self.

3. You attract to you who you really are – this is always accurate.

  • Who we really are is stronger than what we say we want. Look at whom you are attracting and take responsibility for that “pull”. Perhaps there’s a lesson that needs to be learned.

4. Ask yourself “What makes me feel good? What do I like?” You need to like yourself before you can love yourself.

  • Figuring out what makes us feel good is a lifetime process. In order to do this, we cannot care what anyone else thinks and need to quiet all those other voices in our head other than our own.
  • In order to do this, the mind must be quiet. If your mind is always going, always frantic, you will never be able to figure out who YOU are.
  • Eliminate the words “should” and “ought” from your vocabulary. (When we say we “should” do something, it is usually the opposite of what we really feel like doing)

If you like what you’ve read, preview and purchase Chandra’s books and Cds: http://coachgirl.com/coachgirl/books.html

Chosen by Oprah Magazine as the Life Coach to deliver twelve coaching sessions to the grand prize winner to their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest, Chandra Alexander, MSW, has been living and teaching authenticity for the last thirty years in the areas of relationships, work and consciousness. She also spent five years on NBC/TV/Daytime giving a weekly “Reality Check”. Along with a private practice in Tampa, FL, she coaches clients all over the world in the areas of relationships, work and consciousness.

For more information, visit Chandra’s homepage Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are. And subscribe now by clicking Chandra’s author name to receive future article posts.

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1 Comment
  1. Jonas says

    Yes, thank you for this succinct answer to a big question.

    Something that is currently on my mind is the symmetry how we deal with others and how we deal with ourself. If we judge others we probably judge ourself in some way. If we measure someone’s worth, we imply a measurable worth of ourself.

    “If we withhold love from anyone, we withhold love from ourself” – Deepak Chopra.

    Therefore, I would like to add one point to this post: Learn to forgive others, in order to forgive yourself. Learn to accept others, to accept yourself. It is a hard path, but at least you’ll get feedback 😉


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