Why Desperation Makes Us Act Irrationally and What to Do About It
Can you remember a time in your life where you acted desperate for someone’s time or attention?
Maybe you repeatedly called and texted them, even though they weren’t replying.
Maybe you even pleaded with them by giving them reasons why you’re worth their time.
Or maybe you even flattered them, hoping to win them over.
But what kind of response did you get from them?
Did this make the person instantly start giving you more of their time and attention – or did they start pulling away from you and ignoring you?
If they started pulling away, how did that make you feel?
Didn’t it not only increase your desire to spend time with that person, but it also caused you to think and act irrationally?
What am I talking about?
Well, didn’t getting that cold shoulder just cause you to double, maybe even triple your efforts in trying to win the person over?
But did those efforts work – or did it just seem to make things worse?
Understanding The Dark Side of Human Nature
Do you want to know about a “nasty” side to human nature?
Maybe you’ve already made this observation yourself, but have you ever noticed that when a person senses we want something from them, and perhaps we demonstrate that we want it badly through our actions, they become indignant and resistant to letting us get it?
Why does this happen?
Let me ask you this:
When you know someone wants something from you and the choice over whether or not they get it is up to you, don’t you have the power in the situation?
Isn’t the outcome dependent on your decision?
And isn’t the other person now at your mercy, so to speak?
Yet how do you respond if the person begs and pushes and pleads with you to give them what you want?
What does that do to your desire to give it to them?
Doesn’t it just lower it?
In fact, don’t you feel the urge to withhold it to “punish” them from making themselves a nuisance or burden to you?
Furthermore, might it not also give you a rush at the same time to know that you’re “special” because someone is willing to go to great lengths for you?
If you can identify with this situation, do you think other people operate much differently?
When your roles are reversed, can you not see the situation from their perspective?
And won’t they do just as you would have done?
The Power of Being Unattached to the Outcome
Have you ever heard that song by 38 Special?
You know, it goes: “Just hold on loosely, but don’t let go. If you cling too tightly, you’re gonna lose control.”
It’s pretty accurate!
If you want to win someone’s time and attention, and you want to avoid acting irrationally because you’re not getting it, not to mention avoid experiencing the tumultuous emotions that so often go along with desperation, might it not be wise and profitable to keep these things in mind?
Wouldn’t it be prudent to remind ourselves that acting desperate for peoples’ time and attention will actually sabotage our efforts and prevent us from getting them?
Why not take advantage of our first opportunities, and if they come back negative, refrain from taking further action?
Because think about it:
If we continue to pester them and make a brat of ourselves, what do our chances become?
The door slams shut.
But if we accept that nothing has gone forward with our initial efforts and we leave it at that, isn’t it likely that the person will recognize we’re not dependent on the outcome we seek from them?
And will this not leave the door open for future opportunities?
By walking away from a situation without getting what we wanted, won’t it actually communicate to the person that we’re not desperate?
And if they’re a much sought after person, won’t that actually impress them, and actually move you closer to what you want?
The Secret to Eliminating Desperation
But how do we get ourselves to not be desperate, and thus not act in irrational ways that turn others off?
Does it not come with the realization that there are plenty of opportunities for getting what we want in the world?
If we don’t have our wants and needs met by one party, are there not plenty of other parties out there that we can seek out?
If one man or woman doesn’t accept a date, aren’t there millions more out there?
Or if one manager doesn’t hire us for a position, aren’t there plenty of jobs out there?
Certainly, is it not better to have a mindset of abundance, rather than one of scarcity?
And what makes that difference?
Not hanging all our hopes and dreams on a single person or a single opportunity, and investing all of our time in thought and energy on that sole option.
Furthermore, would it surprise you to discover that it is having this exact attitude that actually makes us more attractive and causes people to want to invest their time and confidence in us?
Because it’s true.
About the Author
Hi, my name’s Keenan Cullen, and I hope you profited from my article. I’m passionate about becoming the very best communicator I can possibly be. And if you want to learn more about what I’ve discovered about dealing and relating with people effectively, visit my blog or sign-up for my free weekly articles at http://www.keenancullen.com