Why Should We Forgive?
We have been wronged, someone has offended us or deprived us of something we felt entitled to, we feel humiliated, disappointed, betrayed and anger grows within us. Why should we forgive them?
Do we forgive?
It’s time to make a decision: do we have to forgive or not?
Let’s Learn to Control the Anger!
When we feel offended different moods grow in us and they can take on a different intensity: resentment, anger, hostility, hatred, to the point of grudge.
Grudge is the sum of more emotions mixed together: hatred, fear, anger, inexpressible guilt, humiliation, shame. Unlike anger and resentment, it is an emotion that lasts over time, grows in the person’s mind and is constantly nourished. The origin of this rumination may be due to the need to reorganize one’s own experience in order to be able to metabolize it properly.
When these emotions are very intense and persist in time they can give rise to obsessive thoughts. At this point, we give the person who offended us the power to become master of our feelings and our happiness.
Forgiveness is Not a Sign of Weakness
In order to consider the idea of forgiveness, we must free ourselves from a mistaken belief. Instinctively we tend to reject the idea of forgiveness because unconsciously it is considered as an inability to react, a way of passively accepting an abuse. But forgiving does not mean at all not reacting or forgetting the wrong suffered.
Forgiveness does not mean justifying the other but trying to understand the reasons and the conditions of discomfort that led him to do so.
Nor does it mean that once that person is forgiven, we can reconcile ourselves with him, if that happens, it will be a simple side effect of a new inner harmony that we have achieved. In any case, our serenity will no longer depend on it. Forgiveness means freeing the memory of what has offended us from the charge of anger and pain it carries.
Forgiveness must be seen as a way to improve our quality of life. The grudge, in fact, keeps us tied to those who offended us by keeping us imprisoned in the condition of victims that makes us live with very black moods and emotions, which also have harmful effects on our health.
Let’s Think About Health
Let’s start by evaluating one practical aspect: anger is bad for your health. Hate and resentment, as it is known, increase blood pressure and with it the risks of heart attacks. Forgiveness, on the contrary, produces a condition of liberation, lightness, joy and very intense happiness.
Stress from negative emotions affects the immune system, particularly cytokines that are protein-like substances produced during stress or inhibition. Forgiveness reduces the stress produced by rancour and influences the immune system by releasing antibodies.
Being able to forgive is therefore a gift that we make to ourselves and to our health.
The Consequences of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a free choice and as such becomes an expression of freedom. Authentic forgiveness allows us to regain the awareness of being responsible for our life.
If we consider that we are absolutely responsible for what we feel then we stop focusing our attention on the other person, in that instant, we take away the power of the other person over our emotions.
If we discharge the responsibility of our life on others we will not have the opportunity to see what should be improved in us. If we think that others are responsible for what we feel and what we do, it will be difficult to change because to do so we should change others.
The conflict between two people arises when one claims that his point of view is the only correct one.
The seed of conflict is contained in the claim to be right. In the process of forgiveness, it is necessary to stop focusing on the belief that we are right and on the need to find where reason lies and where the wrong is.
We don’t have to forgive to please those who have offended us, but because there is an inner need to get rid of that burden, that hatred and that resentment. We forgive others to regain control over our emotions and our lives.